I’m realizing I haven’t provided an update on my condition since I posted about my stroke not long after it happened, which was now over two years ago! A lot has changed since then.

Analyzing my progress is a little difficult because there have been a lot of factors in play, which is part of what lead up to the stroke.

Mental deficits

This is to say, my primary cognitive deficit is short-term memory loss. This was a conclusion with testing done by a neuropsychologist as well. I am not convinced these deficits are related to permanent damage from the stroke, as I notice a direct correlation between these deficits and my level of fatigue. Which is to say, the more fatigued I am, the worse these symptoms are. In studying & exploring trauma, there is more than a causal relationship between the two.

This is to say there has been a long history of trauma that got rained on in 2019 & 2020. The shit from 2005 still wasn’t resolved, which lead to the shit in 2019, which was bad personally. Then 2020 happened which was bad for everyone. I personally experienced a lot of loss as well. At this point, trauma is more my problem than stroke recovery.

Physical deficits

I still have a few physical deficits leftover from the stroke. For the most part, unless people knew me prior to the stroke, they may not even be able to tell. I mostly walk fine. I talk fine. My right eye wants to shut a little when I’m tired. In fact, the only time anyone is likely to notice is if I get really exhausted, then my gait can get a little weird and my brain don’t work too good. ? That is, my speech can be a bit wonky, but it isn’t bad. I feel lucky to have been so far ahead of the curve prior to the stroke, in those respects. Coupled with how young I am… recovery has been good. I still have a long way to go in certain respects, though.

Numbness

The right side of my body is still numb. Again, no one would notice and the only place it even makes a functional difference is with my right arm, mostly my hand. My hand is definitely wonky. I can do most macro things fine: opening doors, putting on shoes, driving, etc. But micro things I still have an issue with. Writing is neighed impossible. Although I can type a little if I need to, it isn’t an activity I can engage in with my right hand in any practical way. I mostly type with just my left hand(and I’d bet I still type faster than a lot of people?). My right-hand strength has improved significantly. There are a lot of things I can do that I couldn’t for a long time.

Spasticity

I do still have significant spasticity in my right shoulder. I have some days it is super tense and I consider that a problem, though it isn’t debilitating. I’m not going to be doing full shifts of manual labor but again, I take care of my day-to-day shit without issue. But, at the end of a bad day, it is crippling. I seem to have one day where it’s fine, the next day where it’s problematic. Today happens to be problematic. As of right now, I’m trying to work through it. It isn’t a permanent thing, but all the awfulness from 2019 & 2020 has deprioritized that element of rehabilitation. I’m still working to create space for that rehabilitation but I’m getting there.

Fatigue

Fatigue post-stroke is real. It isn’t a joke. It has improved significantly but it is something I struggle with. It is, by far and away, the most problematic thing I deal with. At the end of some days, it hits hard and I simply become non-functional and need to go to sleep right now. If I don’t get a proper night of sleep, I am fucked the next day. ?

My recovery on this front has also been stalled by all the trauma from 2019 & 2020. I’m very slowly working on all of it, but more physical fitness is simply the prescription here. Improving my diet some will likely help, too. It’s hard to know what to prioritize when you have multiple situations to deal with like this, each affecting the other. Especially when one of those is compounded trauma and you find yourself in dissociative states quite frequently.